Todays the third day of my period.... I feel like I'm shriveling away and omg guys i cannot understand why I'm so OVER dramatic. I'm not my normal dramatic its like that Elmo in fire meme. LOLLLL today was so weird i did not want to move today. The weather literally went from gorg 60s to disgusting higher 70s. Anyways i got a soldering kit I'm so excitedddd!! I'm waiting for a Raspberry pi and a oled screen and then i think I'm going to order an actual kit to learn from cuz yah girl is kinda scaredddd. and then i have to get way more stuff i underestimated what i needed for my project but i am thinking of getting everything from bulk on aliexpress its a lot cheaper. Today we all went to Walmart and got our son this cute bike thing omg he doesn't understand just yet so I've been pushing him and teaching him as i push he LOVES IT good picking Baba. After we went home and i made some food for our son while my husband goes back to work. He ate so good!!! Finally lol hes been picky ever sense he found out he can choose things lol. We played with his toys dude this kid can pile his blocks taller than him then he walks away and runs at it. I WAS WEEZING. 9/10 if our son shows me something its him running into something lollll. Then after a few i made lentils and veggies and he cuddled with me watching curious George and fell asleep. i put him down to sleep. Now I'm in the room figuring out what i want to do with the time i have by myself until my husband gets home.... i want to plat games on my switch or steam deck or our ps5 but idk I've been having this killer migraine and i swear i was playing modern warfare and my eyes were dyingggg. so idk i want to study but ehhhhh i have so much crap to study its insane not to mention i am learning programming and circuit board stuff so i feel like my head is too full to work rn lol. mental fog is no joke i find myself trying to study and i just cant I'm exhausted bc everything is so difficult and then i get it in two seconds the next day. Anyways this entry is pretty long I've been in my life cleanse rn so your gonna see a lot of these random blob talks!!

 bye all ⋆༺𓆩⚔𓆪༻⋆

 Deep Thoughts
Hi everyone, i haven't really been writing lately, on here or in my journal. it seems like every time my period gets near i start to get more mute. My head is just  louder... for me i feel deeply. I feel like a character in a book, not a main character, but a side character that is the one who gets dumped and is always misunderstood. I've never had friends, and when i thought i had one i was wrong. People in real life seem so cruel. Why are people so quick to judge what they don't know? what's different? I've never understood that. As one of my favorite Philosophers said " The more you understand this world, the more you destroy yourself. That's why fools are happy, and intelligent people live in loneliness."- Fyodor  Dostoevsky 
Anyways i feel this deep loneliness when I'm on my period. I have a beautiful family but sometimes i feel like with a Husband and Son they wont ever understand my deep depression on my period lol. The loneliness isn't from wanting friends or missing my sister or grandma, its feeling like i will never be understood by anyone with my thinking i come off weird a lot of the time i look sad and miserable just my resting face but still, maybe too much Dostoevsky as a kid ? 
My son is getting older guys idk what to do. Especially with learning and stuff i don't trust day cares and i don't trust babysitters. What do i teach him and how do i ? Sometimes I'm scared he's weird like me.... Thankfully my husband is a normal smart thinking working man of society. me i feel like i don't even belong in this world. I feel like everyone is fake, I watch behind the scenes, i listen, i watch, i remember. Watching the everyone destroy the world and stand back wondering why the state of the World has completely lost it. they have sense the early 1900s as i have been reading the last months. I've done hours of studying to know this world before i step out into it. Anywaysssss enough of my lil psychosis i had there uhhhh well honestly the last month has been rough, i feel just so much mental and physical exhaustion. Our son has been really getting CRAZYYYYY i swear back and forth all day i cant catch my breath. lollll I'm laughing bc i just thought that that's why i lost so much weight sense we moved here lollll that and food lately looks disgusting..... THE TEXTURE IS FOWL. 

    Tonight's plan after our son goes to sleep and the hour or two i have before my husband gets home from work i will watch dexter and study some more. I am self learning.... The topics are 

• quantum antimanagement..... i know i know 
• coding. i just finished html pretty good i want to program so badddd i ordered a screen and a raspberry pi, and i just got a soldering kit so I'm overly excited This is extremely new... i need HELP NO AI 
• calculus... well things to get me to a better understanding in physics 
• and not studying but I'm on a finding banned book hunt and i want to find all the books i lost in the flood of one of my childhood homes. 

I've been cycling the stem self-studies sense i was younger, i don't know why but it draws to me. Its so fascinating. Oh also i am trying new crochet ideas for my shop!! I'm so excited to really try again. Today was actually a really good day, rough start but my husband the sweet amazing man he is saved the day againnnn. I really miss him, i swear it feels off after he has a day off of work. i just want a fun night wit him its always so full of daytime stress from both sides. Inshallah tonight is a calm loving night. we both need it. anyways i think i might make a tab for my random emotional rants, sometimes i need it lol . 

Take care of my hamster while im gone !

 Hi everyone!! The last two days have been kinda rough..... my period is in 7 days. its always worse emotionally the week before. I lost my crochet motivation, so is anyone has ideas with these colors them let me know!

Another fun thing i want too start doing is penpals again! i will be making a application widget or a post and i will post more of what i will make for everyone i choose! What i would give this is just a small amount of what i could find, i also give out crochet items, recipes, popup cards, books, jewelry, stickers, etc. interests are old tech/physical media , arts( journaling, painting, fiber arts), gaming, reading, FALL, older shows and movies, phyisics/science&maths, nature, studio Ghibli, Pinterest, i love a handfull of aesthetics ! 

I dont know i had a penpal and i gave birth and we just disconnected. It was fun waiting for letters and bringing my creative side out. 

For now, i hope you all have a great day i might post later on... we will see!

    Hey everyoneeee, its been a couple days ive been working on my second blog its a lady bug theme one i had the idea from when i started with this one like an early 2000s girly homey type one. last couple of days or however long ive been really cleaning and spending time for my family and myself. i havent been using my steam deck like at all i carry it in the living room to use it i always end up getting distracted with things. so yesterday i finally emulated my fav games from when i was a kid. i still have to set up the screen layout for the Ds games but im using emulations for older games mainly... maybe god of war but still. its not worth it for games you can just buy. My husband, son, and i went out yesterday after a longgg week... our son is getting older that means hes getting smart which means hes gonna get into more trouble lolllll im sore at like 5 pm this kid literally acts like he drank 20 shots of espresso geezzzz lolll Alhamdulilah we went to this park with a pond and ducks we fed them little seeds and stuff the first time we went they were all coming up to us but this time they were skiddish, i wonder what happen in the week that we were away. i felt so bad. anyways we gave them their treats and enjoyed the air. culvers and a trip to meijers i got these cute ugg type shoes for fall GUYS THEY ARE SO CUTE as a flats ONLY girl i love them, they are so comfortable i cant take them off. we got a couple snacks and these cute owala water bottles and My husband and i both got ones finally he got something for himself! 

    Anyways thank you for all your follows and comments when i was away! Life gets busy and i will be away sometimes so i genuinely felt so happy seeing all the people liking my page! 

ANNOUNCMENT : My second and (still under construction ) page is 

Lazy Ladybug

    Dear readers,

    Dinner for tonight! I made garlic w broiled onions and tomato pasta. I thought it was needed Both my husband and i havent had a really good meal in a while for our family im starting to rlly look at the ingredients in foods. The FDA does NOT do their job. Anyways tonight my husband and i are watching " The founder" we both keep seeing reels about it. HE also got dunkin! psl and doughnuts!!! coffee rolls are my favvv! Thank you honeyyy💞 I have no clue what to post majority of the time. so if anyone has any ideas lmk lol. maybe ill do another wardrobe for fall but for olive green?!?!?! idk lol ill have to write down some ideas but until then im signing off for the night and crocheting some new ideas for my shop and spend time w my husband!